So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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