1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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