got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
please come you make the beer taste better
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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