if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize