I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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