Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up