If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me