I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who died my cat blue again?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low