Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes