im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR