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Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.