SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.