You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.