remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Send us your Text From Last Night!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno