'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
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this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?