You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
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I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.