Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.