If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.