What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!