I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Send us your Text From Last Night!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.