why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
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so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.