Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.