getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.