Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"