I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.