Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.