I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.