Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???