He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
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please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.