So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.