I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"