now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.