Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.