i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.