You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.