The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.