We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.