A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Send us your Text From Last Night!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.