its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.