there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.