My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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