I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.