it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.