My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.