Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
drinking out of a sandbucket again