When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?