I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dating After Heartbreak
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'