so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night