Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it