What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.