So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth