I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.