Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.