wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.