Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Send us your Text From Last Night!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.