the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".