I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.