he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night