Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.