we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.