I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.