Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.