We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this