I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.