Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.