My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?