I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch