She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.