i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.