OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something