so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"