No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache