What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.