I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day