I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.